How To Deal With Overwhelm – Part 1
By · CommentsHow To Deal With Overwhelm – Part One
Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t
When you are overwhelmed by having too much to do it is easy to get distressed about other activities that you would love to do but just can’t get around to. Maybe you are very busy at work but you would like to spend some time on your own project such doing something creative or finding time for a hobby. Or maybe you have a lot of commitments this week and are panicking about how you will get enough time to exercise or see your family.
When this happens it is easy to focus on and get upset about what you can’t get done. You find yourself thinking or saying stuff like “I’d love to do that but I can’t because I haven’t got time” or “I really wish I could write more this week but I can’t because I haven’t got time”. Instead of getting stuck in the “not enough time = I can’t” pattern it is easier to think of what you can do.
OK, so you might not have enough time to commit to a weekly yoga class but you can do a few minutes of stretching when you get home from work before you start cooking dinner. Although you would love to write up a business plan for your new product ideas your client commitments mean that you can only write out some skeleton points but at least you can complete these in more detail in small chunks of time between appointments.
When you switch to an “I can” mindset from “I can’t” you will start to find little windows of time where you can do quick productive tasks. Even though it may not be as pleasing as having great swathes of time to do your project exactly as you wish, it is better to make progress in small increments albeit at a slower pace rather than get stressed and miserable at what doesn’t seem to be possible.
How To Deal With Overwhelm – Part Two
How To Deal With Overwhelm – Part Three
How to make life bearable if you hate your job
By · CommentsHow to make life bearable if you hate your job
If you wake up every morning with the thought “I hate my job” then life can be pretty miserable, especially as we spend a huge proportion of our life at work. The obvious answer is to get another job but this isn’t always practical or possible in the short term especially in the current economic climate.
It is easy to blame your job for life’s ills and have unrealistic expectations about how great life would be if only you didn’t have to work but before taking the plunge to something else it can be a very useful exercise to analyse specifically what is making you unhappy about your current employment. Do you hate what you do for a living? Is there a specific person who is making your working day miserable? Would you be happy doing a similar occupation but in an organisation with a different working culture? When you know the true nature of the problem, then you can start to take action that solves or mitigates the situation.
If you have an overwhelming feeling that you are in the wrong profession completely then you have three options. Option one is to take action and change to your chosen career. If that isn’t possible, for example because there is very little chance you would make a living as a professional rock guitarist especially as you are 46 years old and you haven’t played guitar since you were a student, then option two is to think of ways that you can get a flavour of that of that chosen profession in a more realistic way. To continue the rock guitarist example, you could carve out time at the weekend to play guitar, find some like-minded souls and form a band, determine to go to one live music gig a month or write a blog on rock music. All of these ideas are activities which you could easily do alongside your job and in making time to do something that you enjoy, you might find that your job becomes more bearable. Option three, by the way, is to do nothing and stay miserable!
Another way to make life bearable is to get into a hobby. Very often when I coach someone who isn’t happy in their job but doesn’t know what they would rather be doing I ask them what they are passionate about. They come back with a variety of answers such as cooking, horse-riding, the environment and then they very often add the sentiment “oh, but I haven’t done that for ages.” What is it that you enjoy doing but you haven’t done in a long time? Could you make some time to do that activity? Even if you are very busy could you ring-fence one Saturday morning a month to go windsurfing? Could you leave work on time just one night a week to go an evening class? Could you find twenty minutes a day to play a musical instrument?
Doing a hobby can build your self-confidence, restore your motivation and give you something else in your life over and above the treadmill of work. As well as being enjoyable, all of these benefits of doing a hobby can also spill over into your work life and may help you find a realistic way out of your current crisis.
If you know what you would rather be doing with your life, whether that is something completely different to your current occupation or a new role within your company or field, then think of some steps you can take now to start manoeuvring yourself into that position. I call this building ‘Plan B on the side’ and have found from personal experience that it massively reduces stress and anxiety from the day job. This is because you are taking constructive action to build an escape route and are therefore no longer stuck purely at the mercy of your job. Again, it will help your motivation and this will benefit your work life as well as your Plan B activities.
Finally, try to find some positives in your current situation. What value does your job give you? Your salary enables you to live, you may be learning useful skills and your colleagues form a great network which you may need to draw upon in the future. At the end of each day note down three positives and have gratitude for them. Over time this exercise will help you to change your mindset from one that is dominated by negativity and stress to a state where you can see an improvement in daily life and new possibilities for the future.
Is it better to try and fail than not try at all
By · CommentsIs it better to try and fail than not try at all
Many people spend many years doing a job that they never really wanted to do and at times can suffer deep regret at what they might have done or been. We have childhood dreams and ambitions about the person we would love to become and often vow as young people not to be like our parents and do a job that we don’t care for. Yet few people get to live out those dreams.
Of the people who do pluck up the courage, take the plunge and go after their heart’s desire many do not succeed at making a living from their new vocation. Not all writers will be best sellers, not all artists will have exhibitions at the Tate Gallery and not all musicians will have a hit record.
This begs the question: is it better to shoot for your dreams and fail than not try at all? After all, it is possible to spend a lot of time and money pursuing your passion only to end up very stressed, very tired and very broke.
If you have managed to pursue your dreams, even if it doesn’t work out, at least you have the knowledge that you gave it your best shot and if you died tomorrow you would have no regrets. On the other hand by doing nothing you will always wonder what might have been. A feeling of regret can build up over the years and can become debilitating leaving you fixated on what you should have done in the past. In its worst form this can manifest as illness, deep seated anger or addiction.
I am firmly of the opinion that it is good to find a way to pursue your dreams though it can be hard, especially initially, to create sufficient income from them. It is for this reason that I advocate not giving up completely your day job but to find a way to fit your dreams around it. For many years I have worked on and off as a part-time IT consultant and this has given me sufficient financial security but also enough time to pursue my writing and my passion for personal development work.
It may be possible to do something which gives you a flavour of your dream occupation which you can undertake alongside your day job. For example it may not be realistic for you to give up your job as a solicitor to become a music journalist but you may still be able to pursue your passion for music by writing a blog or by reviewing music via social media. There may also be activities that you can take up as a hobby which allow you to ‘scratch that itch’.
I know lots of creative people who have not got rich from their art, who often combine their pursuits with a day job and who sometimes think they are mad to keep trying but they all agree that they would be very unhappy if they had stifled their artistic urges to have a secure and ‘proper’ job. I definitely think it is better to try, even if you fail, than lead a life of regret.
Watch me talk about my book with Nick Williams
By · CommentsWatch Me Talk About my Book with Nick Williams
At last I made it onto that famous sofa – no, not This Morning with Phil and Holly – the Nick Williams interview sofa. Watch me talk with Nick about my new book Don’t Give Up Your Day Job.
For more info and to buy the book go to www.DontGiveUpYourDayJob.co.uk
How To Achieve Your Long Term Goals
By · CommentsHow To Achieve Your Long Term Goals
Recently I had the great pleasure of achieving some goals that have been on my list for many years. I am now a published author and a few weeks ago I launched my book at the Piccadilly branch of Waterstones in London, which was another dream come true.
If I were to answer the question of what does it take to achieve a long held dream then I would have to say: persistence. Persistence with a capital P !
I looked up persistence in the dictionary and the definition of the verb ‘to persist’ is: to continue steadfastly or obstinately, in spite of opposition or warning; to persevere; to last, to endure. In other words, when the going gets tough, the tough keep going!
How to Get Things Done If You Need a Deadline To Get Motivated
Yesterday I heard a brilliant tip if you are one of those people who only get things done if there is a deadline looming. Being motivated by deadlines is great because you know that you can pull a rabbit out of a hat at the eleventh hour. However the problem with this kind of motivation is that if there is no deadline on the horizon then you just can’t get started on your project and procrastination kicks in.
To solve this problem you need to create artificial deadlines so that you have milestones to work towards with your tasks or projects. And then you need to communicate those artificial deadlines to a friend or group of people so that they hold you accountable to the date and your deadline is now real.
With this approach you can beat procrastination, always move forwards with your chosen activities and probably get more done than just waiting around for the final deadline.
Forget New Years Resolutions – Make Determinations Instead
It is that time of year again when we vow to stop smoking, lose weight, go to the gym and never consume chocolate or alcohol or carbs ever again. And how miserable to we feel making those resolutions? And how long do they last? Exactly!
How about making determinations instead? Determinations allow you look ahead and feel positive and they give you something much more constructive to aim towards. Maybe this is the year when you will make a career change, start a business or learn to dance the Argentinean tango! Doesn’t that make you feel a lot more excited? Now you can offset the winter gloom and feel energized as you take those initial fledgling steps towards your goals.
It is a good idea to write down your determinations. Not only does putting them on paper seem to increase your commitment to taking action towards them but it also helps at times when your activity levels start to flag. It is natural that you will have bursts of enthusiasm for your determinations and times when they seem to go by the wayside. By writing them down you can return to them at any point throughout the year and start to take constructive action towards them again.
Once you have decided what you want for the year (and written it down) think of three simple things you can do towards them this week. Now do those things and you are on your way!
How to Stop Being Stressed When You Have Too Much Going On
For the last few months my life has been very busy. I have been trying to sell my London flat, publish a book, launch it and do all the other things required by my daily life. Not knowing when I’m going to move has also added the difficult dimension of not being able to make solid plans for things like holidays or ensuring that my work commitments fit with the geography of my new home. Throughout this time I have often felt stressed and overwhelmed.
There is a silver lining in every cloud and in spite of this stress I have come up with a time management method that has proved very effective. Every Sunday I give a few minutes thought to the week ahead and I decide upon three things that I would like to achieve that week. Examples of these are: decide on a web designer for the website for my book, contact solicitor about changes to the lease of the flat and find out how one of my friends launched her book. This week my goals are to sort out the book launch evening, see if it is possible to establish a timetable for completing on my flat sale and starting thinking about PR for the book.
When the going gets tough – have fun!
By · CommentsWhen the Going Gets Touch – Have Fun!
On and off I suffer from back pain and there have been many moments this year when I have felt quite crippled purely from stiff muscles in my lower back. In the past two months I have been having Bowen therapy treatment and thankfully these problems have eased in a miraculous way.
However, over the past few days I felt a little of the stiffness creeping back. In many ways I’m not surprised as it has been a stressful time caused mainly by the vendor of my London flat changing his mind on his proposed purchase and thus scuppering my plans to buy a new house and set up home with my partner!
Time Management Tip – Halve Your Emails
By · CommentsTime Management Tip – Halve Your Emails
Are you one of those people that get over a hundred emails a day? Probably most of them aren’t that important but you have to plough through them anyway just to make sure that you are not missing anything vital.
Did you know that in Outlook it is possible to separate out the emails that you are CC’ed so that your Inbox can then contain just the emails that are sent directly to you?
You will need to set up a separate folder for the CC’ed mail then go to
Tools > Rules and Alerts in the menu where you can set up a rule so that all mail where you are CC’ed on it goes to the separate folder.
This may substantially reduce the traffic coming through your Inbox. You can then schedule time when you are less busy to have a quick look at the CC’ed mail – or you may decide just to delete these messages!
