Recently I was asked by a local BBC radio station to comment on a survey which stated that the average Briton spends two and a quarter hours a day worrying. This figure had risen by half an hour because of the credit crunch. That means in the course of a lifetime, we will spend an average of six years and six months fretting over problems or potential problems. In order to respond I started thinking about how we can not only cope but survive and thrive in troubled times.

The first point I made in the interview was that research has shown that 80% of what we worry about does not actually happen. Based on the above figure that means that we are wasting one hour and forty minutes a day on unrequited worry when we could be doing something more fun, nurturing or taking action to solve what ever it is we are worrying about. There is nothing like taking action, even if it is only the first one or two steps of a much bigger task to help calm the nerves and start to feel in control of the situation. Doing something is empowering, doing nothing and sitting in a panic is not.

Very often our fears (or fear of our fears) are harder to deal with than if they actually happened and turned into reality. I once heard a story from a lady whose apartment had burned into the ground; not only that but she discovered that her insurance had expired just a couple of days before the fire and she had not renewed it. Her husband worked on a self employed basis from home in the media technology sector and all of his equipment was destroyed. This meant that in addition to the family being made homeless, they also had no source of income. However day by day, with the help of friends and family, they did what had to be done, her husband was offered some highly paid office based work where he did not need his own equipment and now, five years later they live in an amazing house that they once only dreamed of. Looking back over the experience she says that having to face her fears was not as bad as being continually scared by them. She had always felt held back by the nagging worry of ‘losing it all’ but when this became reality she actually found it very freeing and feels fortunate for having had the experience. She no longer lives under the dark clouds of worry and doubt.

Another way of reducing our worries is to stop feeding them. A few weeks ago my television broke and for two weeks I only had the radio for entertainment. During this time I noticed that I felt less anxious about the worsening economic situation and realised it was because I was no longer starting my day watching television news nor ending it with News At Ten. The radio gave me a quick bulletin of the main news points so I was not ignorant of current affairs but I was not spending too much time focussing on the doom and gloom nor was I re-enforcing the negative feelings with visual images. Happily my television is now repaired and I have decided to keep refraining from watching the news.

We can also reduce our worries by making ourselves stronger. Imagine a thin, weak tree with brittle branches and not many roots. If a strong wind were to blow then the tree will snap or topple over. Now imagine a tree with a strong trunk and deep, wide roots. The same strength of wind may make its branches sway a little but the tree will remain standing and the gale will eventually pass. How could you become stronger so that you can withstand the storms that life produces from time to time?

As I have mentioned above taking action towards our worries builds inner strength. However, remember that you can only act on affairs within your control. For example, you cannot personally control the unemployment statistics or resurrect Woolworths from the dead but you can examine your own finances, make sure that you are getting the best value for money on household bills and trim your expenses accordingly.

Another way of creating a stronger self is through a regular prayer or meditative practice. This might be through an established religion or be of a more spiritual nature. Our inner strength can also be increased by disciplined activities that we do “religiously” such as exercise, walking or writing a daily diary. These activities give us time and space for personal reflection where we can sort out in our own mind what is worth worrying about, and what isn’t.

We have all the wisdom we need to succeed with life’s challenges – it is just a case of tapping into that wisdom and learning to trust what it tells us.

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.
We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”
Barack Obama

We are living in unprecedented times of turmoil and strife. From the continued violence in DR Congo to the collapse of our financial systems, stability we once took for granted no longer exists. Alongside these seismic shifts we are skating around trying to hold our lives together as best we can.

A few weeks ago a gentleman called me to enquire about coaching. He was involved in the construction business and was suffering because of the downturn in the housing market. When people phone me to ask about my services I usually give them a mini coaching session there and then, so I asked him where he would like to be a year from now. He replied that he wanted to return to having a materially well-off life with all the trappings of success such as a new car every year. As the coach I asked him what would need to happen for him to achieve these objectives and he responded that the property market would have to come back up again. This seemed to me to be a very external answer as he had no direct control over the housing market yet all his desires and sense of wellbeing were resting on it. I then asked him what action could he personally take that would help his situation which did not depend on the market. He was very surprised that I had asked him such a question. Although he answered with a couple of suggestions he was clearly uncomfortable that I was pressing him for action and the conversation was soon over.

I felt quite disturbed by this phone call and was concerned for the gentleman. I was struck by how dependent he was on external factors and how, with that factor not performing the way he wanted it to, he was completely lost.

We have to take responsibility for our own situation and be flexible and open minded in the approach we take in order to cope with what life hurls at us. We may need to drastically cut our lifestyle or be prepared to accept a job or pay packet that is less than we are used to. How many ways can we see value in our lives that is not linked to our financial worth? What action can we take to increase this alternative value? What can we prepare ourselves to let go of if our status quo is threatened?

Having mostly lived a freelance life I have always survived without job security but I cannot imagine the pain I feel if I were to lose my home. But I do know that I have a very nimble mind that would quickly think of alternative solutions and would make the best of wherever I found myself.

There is opportunity in change and very often a downturn in circumstances can lead us to buried treasure that we would not have otherwise discovered. More than once in my career I have had to accept a pay rate that was beneath my desired level. This always motivated me to find ways for alternative income which eventually resulted in me earning far more than I had originally planned.

Only we can find happiness and fulfilment for ourselves and we have to make regular efforts to build this sense of inner security. As we do that let’s determine to not only survive through current adversities but to find ways to thrive as well. As the man whose quotation appears at the top of this blog entry says – “Yes We Can!”